The war has ended!

The war has come to an end and I have come out of it alive with a few scars and bruises. You might just say that I was the lucky one. But then again I don´t know how the other soldiers made it out.
The dust in the air has now settled on the ground and the blue skies are once again visible. I lack the words to describe how beautiful life looks once again, for the path that lies ahead of me is in such a way breath taking that I am left speechless...
No need for the heavy armer, no need for the bloody sword. Just me and the thin clothes on my body.
The luggage isn't all that heavy and my heart's pieces have been super glued together. One piece at a time...
I begin this new journey. Head held high, eyes on the road. Don´t want to keep on walking by life with out being aware of all that is there for me to enjoy. So help me God!

May it be...

I have gone out and found those tides that waited so long for the words I fed them. They are now satisfied and I can carry on.
Moving forward, waiting on a new tomorrow... I have said my good-byes, there are no more tears left to cry...
Whatever shall come...may it be!

Iam coming!

Iam coming! Everyone but you knows that Iam coming and soon I will be there. I could scream it out loud and I don't think that you'd hear. My voice has been silenced in your life and all memories of us have been packed away in a box and locked up in diaries. You have banned me from paradise and sent us to some sacred place that you will never revel... Iam left wishing that I had not hurt you that way...
I read somewhere this week that we can not change that which has been done, but it is up to us to write what will come. Thats what I have to start doing. I must stop writing about the past and rediscover present and future for in them lies the happiness which I seek. And, maybe in some other life, where we will meet again, things will be much different.

Isnt it ironic?

I was going through some old cds today... and there I found a cd some one had made for me to help keep my mind off the pain of losing you... very old cd. It´s been 5 years now.
This cd always reminds me of us. Especially the song that sais: I was born to tell you that I love you!

Isnt Ironic?? ...

Closer than ever...

Iam flying over, flying over to the places that we thought once to belong only to us. And although you may not be there now, for it has been so long, I know that I will find you. For you are in the wind that blows there, you are the sun that warms the cool waters and your voice rises above all in the melodies the birds sing each morning.

Closer to you than ever ....

I must confess that Iam scared; Afraid to be sucked in by the sorrow of being there and not being able to hold your hand. But at the same time, love, I trust that I will speak and that you shall hear each word.
And on July the 20th of this year I will take these messages and I will put them in a bottle and toss them out to sea in hope that they will find their way to you. And, if in such a dangerous and long journey, they do go astray, Iam hoping someone will find them and realize that out there, there are people like us that have loved so trully and deeply and that we feel blessed for it.
I leave you for now with a lasting kiss.
Be well my love.

Your songs...

Today the songs you once shared with me have come back to haunt me. And I dont feel scared...just alone and puzzled. For I realize now that there was so much you needed me to know and those songs said it all. Why was I so blind to see all the love that you were willing to offer?!! I pray for a miracle some times. I pray that you will appear some afternoon... that I will hear news of you and that it will be wanting to share it with me.
Lifes so short my angel and we have lost so much time as it is. Please speak to me, tell me how you've missed me and how it's been too long.

Sad awakening...

Today I faught the light coming in through my bedroom window. I faught the song the birds sang only for me. I felt weak and didnt feel like facing the day with out you by my side. All I wanted was to lay there and hold your hand again and speak of nothing special. I wanted to close out the people that make me feel like I am obligated to get up every morning and smile as if you had never even existed. Some times I hate those people, some times I wish they would leave me, leave us. At times I wish I could silence them, just so I would not be reminded that you are no longer here and we are no longer a present, but yes a past. For as they say all things shall perish. Even those we wish to be everlasting.
Why did you have to go so soon? Why were you so cruel?

Not so far away...

I find you close these days... in the melody of a bird, in a song long unheard and even in the stillness of the breaking of a new day. You are the warm sweet rays that kiss my forehead, you are the soft wind which embraces me as I adventure out into the unknown, you are the smell of fresh flowers through out my day, the water that cleans all impurities when my body is tired and, at the end of the day, you come to me in the form of a sweet dream that keeps me smiling. You come to me and I can't seem to get enough.
I can only wander if you too find me in the essence of the things that make up your day. And if you do, remind me now why we hurt ourselves so. Remind me for I really don't know.

The wind blows in the trees, it blows through my hair and it whispers, yes it whispers... words, memories and unforgetable feelings. Yes, I did say I was moving on and yes I know that I need to find my way in life without you to keep me company, but no one said it was going to be easy and to discribe how painful and empty days can be without you would be impossible...

Sweet dreams little one...

Passing days...

Here I am where I have always been, waiting for your words... But this time I am not waiting on you and although my arms are still open they wait not on you. Slowly, my sweet, time has made these swolen eyes of mine look over the endless body of water which I was drawning in, and see the not so terrifing horizon that has been paciently awaiting me.
It is hard to look away, it is hard to believe in an existance that is not in your presence as I had once imagined it.
Huuummmmm... Deep breaths and small trimbling steps...its painful turning my back on us. But I have seen you...I have seen you smile like you once smiled with me and I know now that you have found peace and that you are well. For that I am grateful and give grace everyday.
I know you have read my words and have long waited these words that set you free. My sweet you are free!!! Fly above all pain, free yourself of the promises that we exchanged and embrace the life you have been running from. This is my gift to you. The gift of life, the gift to love someone more than I once loved you. Take it and be happy. Take it and never look back for I shall no longer be here; I will be looking down on you as you smile upon the wonderful life you were blessed with.
Go now, be free!!

Speak to me...

My sweet,

Patiently I wait, I wait for your healing responces to these thoughts which I toss out into the ocean and hope drift off to the shore where you may be.
At times, I dont understand your silence. But I want you to know that such silence only makes our memories grow louder within me. So loud that I feel like all else around me is silent and dead!
Speak to me, share with me your dreams which I can make come true. Confide in me your secrets for I shall carry them with me to my death bed. Speak to me of simple unimportant matters and I shall embrace each word...
Or come to me and speak not with your lips, but with your fingers and eyes which are the window to any mans soul.
Through your eyes I have many times travelled land and sea unknown to any map. These journeys have brought me inner peace and have calmed my troubled spirit many times before. Hmmm, how I long to loose myself in them once more.

With all my love,

J&J

In your loving memory

My sweet,

I know it has been many lonely hours since I have last written you... This means not that I havent thought of you, nor does it mean that you are no longer in this heart shaped box which I carry in me, and that we both know truely belongs to you.
Altough you have not heard from me these past long hours, you have tired my thought and made my heart race many times... For in your loving memory I have dedicated to the ocean which keeps us a part, a sinfony of candles which I hope will light the way back into your loving arms.
With every candle lit, a wish attached, a memory embraced and endless loving words that I so long to say to you, for it has been too long since these tired eyes have last seen how beautiful life is in your sweet company.

P.S my love, this heart shaped box of yours longs like never before to be held and conforted by you once more.

J & J

By the sea shore...

Tired, I turn my boat around and sail back home. Indeed the journey was long and my mission failed. For I am a cowered and was afraid to leave all behind and sail off back into your loving arms which may no longer exist to hold me.

Bare foot I walk by the sea shore which has so many times been witness to endless nights of passion and desire. So many promises made under stary skies like todays. Where are you? And why did I let you go?

My long lost love, I dream and wish for you every night and bless you with every awakening. I wish you well and because of that I wish you here in the comfort of these arms which live only to care for you and in the presence of these eyes which long to behold true beauty once more (be it only for a split second).

I can hear the ocean wisper our secrets as it hits the sand...If the world only knew about you and me. If anyone could ever imagine such beauty to be true.

...

I miss you today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow. For each day a part from you is a day a part from me, a day a part from all that I live for, us.

J

&

J

Message in a bottle...

This message goes out to my forever loved one that, like me, has been lost at sea searching for answers that never seem to come...

I sail out one early morning in hope that the trip will be a short one and that loving arms will be awaiting when I arrive. And yet days are long and nights are cold and the only thing that keeps me company are sweet lonely memories of you...
The small, fragile boat rocks, and I close my eyes and imagine myself back in your loving arms that embraced me so carefully not so long ago. I can almost smell you... I can almost feel your hands rapped around me protecting me from all the harm of the world. I could swear you were there and that we had transcended fisics and all other laws of life. We existed in spirit like we had existed once in life. Hummmm how wonderful it felt to be back there with you and a part of you... If only I had not awaken from such a profund and peaceful sleep to look upon mad tides and angry skies, jealous at the fact that I stole you away from them for what was no more than a few seconds!