More than a women... A Mother.

Endless sea,
it is to you that I turn today... I turn to you because eventhough your tides go, I can rest assure that they return just like the bitter sweet moments that I once treasured so. Now, all grown up, I realize how time heals the nastiest of all woundes.
Iam a mother now. Someone awaits on me and needs me. My actions bring consequences that don't only relate to me but also to the little person whose eyes follow my every movement and become salty when my absence becomes known in his unpreoccupied mind.
I feel like Iam no longer that free soul, carefree and incomplete.
Today Iam not only a women, but a mother and on my shoulders I bare the weight of his dreams and success. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Aniversary

Hello my dearest one,
it has been many hours since I have felt the need to share my thoughts with you...and now, here I am. These are bitter-sweet thoughts...Thoughts I felt belonged to you.
Today is your aniversary. And like every year that has gone by, I did not forget this one...
Iam reminded of all the aniversaries that we shared together; reminded of the hours spent preparing so that every detail was perfect. I know you thought it was perfect and I did as well, for in eachother's company we experienced uttermost perfection.
Thank you for that...thank you for once being a part of me and a part of us.

The war has ended!

The war has come to an end and I have come out of it alive with a few scars and bruises. You might just say that I was the lucky one. But then again I don´t know how the other soldiers made it out.
The dust in the air has now settled on the ground and the blue skies are once again visible. I lack the words to describe how beautiful life looks once again, for the path that lies ahead of me is in such a way breath taking that I am left speechless...
No need for the heavy armer, no need for the bloody sword. Just me and the thin clothes on my body.
The luggage isn't all that heavy and my heart's pieces have been super glued together. One piece at a time...
I begin this new journey. Head held high, eyes on the road. Don´t want to keep on walking by life with out being aware of all that is there for me to enjoy. So help me God!

May it be...

I have gone out and found those tides that waited so long for the words I fed them. They are now satisfied and I can carry on.
Moving forward, waiting on a new tomorrow... I have said my good-byes, there are no more tears left to cry...
Whatever shall come...may it be!

Iam coming!

Iam coming! Everyone but you knows that Iam coming and soon I will be there. I could scream it out loud and I don't think that you'd hear. My voice has been silenced in your life and all memories of us have been packed away in a box and locked up in diaries. You have banned me from paradise and sent us to some sacred place that you will never revel... Iam left wishing that I had not hurt you that way...
I read somewhere this week that we can not change that which has been done, but it is up to us to write what will come. Thats what I have to start doing. I must stop writing about the past and rediscover present and future for in them lies the happiness which I seek. And, maybe in some other life, where we will meet again, things will be much different.

Isnt it ironic?

I was going through some old cds today... and there I found a cd some one had made for me to help keep my mind off the pain of losing you... very old cd. It´s been 5 years now.
This cd always reminds me of us. Especially the song that sais: I was born to tell you that I love you!

Isnt Ironic?? ...

Closer than ever...

Iam flying over, flying over to the places that we thought once to belong only to us. And although you may not be there now, for it has been so long, I know that I will find you. For you are in the wind that blows there, you are the sun that warms the cool waters and your voice rises above all in the melodies the birds sing each morning.

Closer to you than ever ....

I must confess that Iam scared; Afraid to be sucked in by the sorrow of being there and not being able to hold your hand. But at the same time, love, I trust that I will speak and that you shall hear each word.
And on July the 20th of this year I will take these messages and I will put them in a bottle and toss them out to sea in hope that they will find their way to you. And, if in such a dangerous and long journey, they do go astray, Iam hoping someone will find them and realize that out there, there are people like us that have loved so trully and deeply and that we feel blessed for it.
I leave you for now with a lasting kiss.
Be well my love.